girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
