Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
