I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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