You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize