Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
