Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
