Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.

Fav 6 3632 790
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.

Fav 14 925 5996
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(925): View more from California

Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.

Fav 14 3710 1337
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(917): View more from New York City

I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.

Fav 14 3546 2170
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(323): View more from California

Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?

Fav 2 2462 1021
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(660): View more from Missouri

I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

Fav 9 2453 1086
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(260): View more from Indiana

He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.

Fav 20 861 1793
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(512): View more from Texas

This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's

Fav 3 763 486
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(972): View more from Texas

If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it

Fav 0 33 24
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