I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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