I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
