if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
