Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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