her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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