Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
