He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
