Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
