Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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