Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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