I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he thought i was a dude.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
