if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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