If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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