I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
