Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
