I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
