not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize