I'm gonna have a badass scar
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
