It was confusing and full of hummus
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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