dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
