she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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