Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
