at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
