I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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