i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
