I want to stick my p in your. b.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
