Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So much rum. So many feels.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
