i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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