If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
