Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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