i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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