that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
