Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
