Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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