Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
