I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
