Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
