So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The adults are the big ones right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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