Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
