Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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