My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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