a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
