I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
