i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize