come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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