one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
