good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
