I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
