Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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