I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
