i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
