You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
