either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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