There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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