i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
