i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
