do herpes really smell.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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