at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
