the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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