there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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