I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
