maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
