Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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