I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
