Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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