no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
mondays should just be called national damage control day
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
