The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
