Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize