Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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