my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Your cock deserves a montage
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
