Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
