i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
