i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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