while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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