The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
