how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
