can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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