Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
