Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
