i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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